Dear Mother

How do you expect me to tell you things if you never understand
Most of the time you don't even try to
It makes me not trust you
Trust you with the secrets I hold inside me that threaten the way I live life everyday
You don't ever seem to grasp the things I say
And sometimes it feels like you try
But sometimes it feels like you just don't care what I have to say
It feels like I'm talking to an interrogator who is just trying to pin things on me
Sometimes it feels like you don't think I have grown up enough to take care of myself
I am seventeen years old but I've been through more than some adults have in their life
I know I'm still young and inexperienced and sometimes I DO need your help, your input.
Though I need to feel like I can talk to you, when in reality I fear you
I have lost so many people in my life and I don't know why
I don't want to lose you mom, and I feel like if you don't accept me that I'll lose you
But I wouldn't be able to stand that because you and Jacob are all I have
I can talk to Jacob, why can't I talk to you?
Why can't you be calm and rational?
I'm a good kid, I want to tell you everything but sometimes I'm just scared
Scared that you'll leave and take my little brother and I won't have anyone.
It may be irrational but it doesn't mean I won't fear it
All I want is your acceptance mom
But I can never do things right...
And I feel like a complete failure

Kade Maverick's Backstory

(Kade Maverick is a character I made for an inane asylum. I thought the history I made was actually pretty interesting... Here is is)

At a young age Kade became addicted to drugs. He grew up in a broken family and a bad neighborhood and drugs were his escape. Of course this was a huge mistake. His family shipped him off to live with his grandparents, in hopes it would help straighten his life out, and because they couldn't afford to take care of him anymore. While living with his grandparents people told him his parents didn't want him and that he would never amount to anything. Told this so many times he grew to believe it. This lead to heavier and heavier drugs. By the time his grandparents sent him to rehab he had nervous system disorders and trouble sitting still. The drugs had killed so many brain cells he had trouble thinking. On top of that the doctors there discovered he was born with Mania. It took two years but after he was clean they let him out, subscribed to many drugs to keep him under control. From there his grandparents sent him to collage. They did this to prove to not just himself but them as well, that he could amount to things. Being manic and crazy as he was he chose to treat people with mental disorders, like himself. Of course he was labeled safe to be in society because of his prescribed drugs so no one really knew he had serious mental issues. His hospital of choice was the scariest one he could think of, hoping it would be enough to amuse him even when he was medicated.

Day Dreaming

     Laying, back on the warm concrete of my drive way. I looked far off into the distant blue sky. The sun was going down and it was causing a beautiful rainbow in the sky. A small flashing light blinked across the sky. My day was filled with boredom and emptiness. The day the world was supposed to end. Of course I was still there. Looking into the sky and marveling at nature and content with life despite the empty day I just had. I could hear the soft humming of cars driving by, it was a noise that seemed distant and unimportant compared to the beautiful silence around me. I sky slowly transitioned before my eyes but something caught my attention that came from the corner of my eye. Suddenly I turned my attention to a figure of a man walking on the sidewalk. He wore dark close and  his brown hair looked unkempt as it hung down to his shoulders. As he passed by I heard him hum a familiar tune. Suddenly everything else but the man became blurry and I had the urge to follow him as he walked down the sidewalk. I lifted myself to my feet never letting my eyes stray from the stranger that intrigued me so. I slowly began down the little hill in my front yard. I walked a few feet behind him for a while. Then his pace slowed and my did not and soon I was right behind him. He stopped directly in front of me but his posture didn’t change. He seemed to know I was following him. When he stopped so did I and he began to turn around. My mind raced and my eyes darted all around me.
    Around me were trees and a few houses that I didn’t recognize. I searched for a street name with no luck. How long had I been walking? I had lost track of time but that was no surprise I zoned out a lot. I just never did such strange and dangerous things before. I couldn’t imagine what the man was going to do. Right before he looked my way I went wide eyed with realization of what the song he had been humming was. It was Join Me In Death by HIM. I loved the song but that realization just scared me all the more.
    The man turned and looked me in the eye. His hazel eyes bore into mine. He was beautiful. So much so it took my breath away and my face flushed red. Clearly this man didn’t want me following him. I opened my mouth to apologize for following him but my voice got caught in my throat. The man just smiled a lazy smile at me. Then he spoke in a voice that made every muscle in my body freeze, “No need to apologize sweetheart. I called  you to me. I do hope you don’t mine the inconvenience though. I am Ville. It is nice to meet you sweetie.” His voice was smooth with an accent I couldn’t directly detect.
    His voice though, was perfectly harmonious and made me want to fall into his arms. I fought that urge and willed myself to speak. “You called to me, but why? Sadly I don’t have anything I can give you Ville, I wish I did.” His eyes still burned into mine as I spoke which made me slightly even more nervous.
    His eyes light up with those words. “You really are who I am looking for. Please do tell my your name. Please come with me I will take care of you.”
    I looked around slightly afraid. When his hands held mine my worries were pushed aside. “My name is Katherine.” I tried to avoid his all seeing gaze. His eyes pierced you like a dagger but they were not harsh or cold they were warm and kind. All I wanted to do was be wrapped in his embrace forever. “ I will go with you but I don’t see how I could help and I don’t know if my mother would approve of me being out with you.” I finished.
    His hand reached into my pants pocket and took out my phone. I watched him thinking the worst like I was raised to do. He handed it to me and instructed me, “Tell her you’ll be somewhere near by and I guarantee she will believe it.” I looked up at him nervously biting my lip. If there was one person I was more afraid of then murderous strangers it was my mother.
    I called her and put the phone to my ear. It rang once, then twice, and a third time. Finally she answered and I said, “ Mom I’m going to be over Tom’s house with Jacob. Is that okay?” Surprisingly my voice was even and my tone was calm. My mother approved and told me to be back by nine o clock with my little brother. It was six thirty now.
     I hung up the phone and for some odd reason gave it back to Ville. “All set now Lovely?” He asked. I simply nodded in response but the confusion in my eyes were enough for him to see I had many questions for him. He nodded and said, “Okay follow me, I will answer the questions you have for me, my Dear.” He offered his and I took it immediately without a second thought. That made him smile as he lead me down the road.
    “I have searched for the pure souls, they generate powers beyond many creatures. They are commonly a pure and powerful human. You dear have a remarkably powerful aura.  That could certainly help me, if you chose to that is.” He explained. His voice was serious but still had a kind of charm that must not go away.
    “Power? I do not have any power, not that I know of Ville. How would I even use this power, if I do have it like you say?” I asked still confused on the topic.
    Ville looked patient as we walked forward. I didn’t bother looking ahead of myself. Something in me trusted Ville that much, to much but there was no point in fighting the mysterious bond. “Sweetheart, many do not know of their powers. I will teach you everything you need to know, just trust me my little gem.” He answered. Little did he know how much I already trusted him.
    We walked for a while and I looked over at Ville the whole way, not paying attention to the directions we went and not to how I could ever get back. There was a feeling rising I the pit of m stomach that trusting this stranger too much was going to get me in trouble. Looking at Ville though I couldn’t believe such a thing. My legs started getting tired but before they hurt enough to complain we stopped in front of a mansion like house. It was beautiful but I never remembered seeing anything like it in Lehigh. It made me wonder just how far we had walked and how long we had been walking.
    “We made it. How do you like it my preeminent little butterfly?” he whispered in my ear letting go of my hand.
    My mind rushed with confusion after he was no longer touching me. Unused energy surged through me and I didn’t know what to do. I responded the best my perturbed mind could manage. “It… it is beautiful, but I don’t remember anything like this being here in Lehigh.” I responded with exactly what was on my mind, well a fraction of it anyway.

More Than You Could Ever Understand

You didn't knock me down
You pushed me to become strongerYou didn't abandon me
You gave me the strength to get through life alone
You didn't betray me
You showed me to be careful of who I trust
You didn't replace me
You'll never find anyone else like me
You are ignoring me because
Some how you honestly think you are better off without me

~Inspired By my Idol Ronald Joseph Radke [I'm thinking he might feel the same] and my own personal experiences.~

Beautiful Tragedy

Sitting alone I can't help but wonder
Why my heart booms
My eyes rain and my head pounds like thunder
Nature is a beauty to behold indeed
There is beauty in everything
Whether it be something you see or read
Though life its self is beauty
A beautiful tragedy

I am a beautiful tragedy
Can't you see?